I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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