I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
