Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
