Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
nutella sex= disaster
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
