I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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