last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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