Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
