do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
