I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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