Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
