so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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