You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
