Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
