i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
