If i come over, it means nothing
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
