I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
