piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
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I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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