If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
