Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
