she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hate all girls vehemently.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
