No more Irish car bombs ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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