took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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