so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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