Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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