if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
