The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
