Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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