put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Who died my cat blue again?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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