i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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