i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
