You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
