Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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