i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
