I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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