What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
