Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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