I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
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On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
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A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.