Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!