Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.

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(619): Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage. http://tfl.nu/jxfh

Replies (13) Good night (1141) Bad night (873)
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(541): View more from Oregon

She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.

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(541): She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it. http://tfl.nu/jrtc

Replies (12) Good night (622) Bad night (2863)
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(951): View more from California

ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am

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(951): ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am http://tfl.nu/357a

Replies (17) Good night (3325) Bad night (1435)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.

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(732): i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you. http://tfl.nu/3kwo

Replies (18) Good night (5184) Bad night (867)
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(905): View more from Ontario

Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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(905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d

Replies (19) Good night (4173) Bad night (1854)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.

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(732): four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day. http://tfl.nu/q3s7

Replies (20) Good night (4209) Bad night (1780)
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(313): View more from Michigan

he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7

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(313): he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7 http://tfl.nu/fzvy

Replies (3) Good night (2403) Bad night (900)
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(517): View more from Michigan

And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.

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(517): And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single. http://tfl.nu/lqam

Replies (7) Good night (1383) Bad night (3403)
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(303): View more from Colorado

im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels

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(303): im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels http://tfl.nu/5yvq

Replies (4) Good night (1962) Bad night (720)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.

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(978): Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on. http://tfl.nu/i5sb

Replies (2) Good night (1070) Bad night (472)
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(410): View more from Maryland

You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.

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(410): You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it. http://tfl.nu/i008

Replies (6) Good night (1596) Bad night (472)
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(775): View more from Nevada

For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet

(775): View more from Nevada

Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now

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(775): For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet (775): Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now http://tfl.nu/ra39

Replies (3) Good night (1268) Bad night (511)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.

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(215): no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus. http://tfl.nu/psky

Replies (7) Good night (1027) Bad night (613)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...

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(262): Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life... http://tfl.nu/tvsz

Replies (3) Good night (299) Bad night (527)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.

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(708): Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor. http://tfl.nu/ltxj

Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (265)

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