I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.