i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize