I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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