Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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