Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
