3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
