Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
