If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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