My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
