Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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