By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
