Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
time to smoke my breakfast
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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