her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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