I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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