why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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