How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
