My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
