well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
