Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
