The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
