what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
