I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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