I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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