im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
