I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
