I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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