we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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