David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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