So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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