so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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