You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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