So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
