Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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